Catastrophising, It's Only Human
A month in and you've still not found a job.
"Jeez, this is never going to happen, what do I say to the kids, can we keep paying the mortgage, Christ, maybe we can move out to something smaller, I'm never gonna get a job!"
"Bloody hell, Christine still doesn't have a job, sounds like it's a nightmare out there. What if they don't extend my contract? Should we look at Australia, what a nightmare!!"
"They're gonna cut my job, I know they are, the boss won't talk to me about it, she doesn't know anything anyway, I hate this time. They can't surely stop the project, we're nearly there. I start looking for jobs, any job, I'll never get a job when I need it, better get one now."
I spent the day catching up with some people and the stories of how so many people are catastrophising is a worry. The pressure, the intense anxiety, the tears, it can all feel so so SO overwhelming.
"It'll be hard until it ends, if it's still hard then it's not the end."
You can look at that two ways:
1: "It's never going to end!"
The end is never in sight.
When you're deep in it and everything you know has changed it can seem like everything will be bad from now on.
My experience tells me, now, that is wrong.
It takes strength to see it.
Believe in your life. Believe in what you have done - that family didn't just appear, those jobs you have/had didn't fall into your lap, this current job environment has been here before and did change.
You WILL get to the end.
It's your choice to decide when it ends.
It's down to you to put the past behind you.
What can you do to help yourself and those close to you;
- Acknowledging that unpleasant things happen,
- Life is full of challenges as well as good and bad days,
- Recognising irrational thoughts,
- Knowing when to stop,
- Thinking about another outcome,
- Offering positive affirmations, and
- Practicing excellent self-care.
2: It will end
Yes, it will.
I know, "See point 1 Mike!!", but I'm here to tell you it will end. It will end unexpectedly, suddenly, and it'll be a release of so many emotions.
Take a look back at your life, all of those ducking horrible times, be they from nastiness are school, hating your first job, things in your personal life, they have all ended, eventually.
It will end, and if it's still going then it's not the end.
3. What does it look like when it's ended?
If you've ever worked in a highly effective organisation, or with a team that delivered, or maybe a ran a race, or just got the family out to go for a walk, you know having a vision of where you're going makes everyone's life sooooouch easier.
"Can you right a function to sort this data please", what a nightmare request. Why, what are you wanting to do, what is your end goal? Give me desired outcomes not functions, everyone in IT knows that's the way to go.
Sidebar: if you're ever writing an RFP please please start and end with outcomes, never list features and functions.
If this is common sense and best practice at work then apply it to yourself. What is the outcome once it's delivered, what are you aiming at, what does it feel like when it ends?
Good luck and remember, everything ends, it's a fundamental of the universe (entropy).
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